Breathe In Red

Quarter of a century old
An obsessive drive to know
Possesses my soul
Walls of youth
Obstructing all views
Where are the words
Your words
Sweet answers to long
Awaiting prayers
Clarity suffering
In my discontented heart
Each day wanes
Slowly toward bitter pleasure
Groaning in lust to please You
I starve after the slightest breath
Only realizing
The imperfection of myself
Humble me with age

If you believe in the cause
It is worth the cost

A heavy presence awaits
The Excavator of life
Abducting breath
Inducing death
Leaving so many behind
Pondering why
So soon
So cruel
So unreasonable
Fervent rage burrows
Into the depths
Of the last safe haven in the soul
Because death
Is always negative
Unfair and unexpected
Searching for one to blame
It must be You
 
Right?
 
An awareness of loss
Forces the living to question
The importance in life
You suffered
Gruesome
Unforgiving
And so lovely
The Excavator comes grinning
Nailing the world’s shame
To Your molested blameless figure
Taint layering in multitudes
Upon a celestial lamb
Bloody red with beauty
Enduring while hanging
Knowingly birthing
Eternal change
Your death
The very first positive

My thoughts travel to y(Y)ou
Distressed
We are in
An allsuming* time bomb
Reevaluating who and what
We are becoming
The truth of the matter
Is simple
We communed in three
Until the change
Made two and two
My soul grieves in jealousy
Him who speaks to you in secret
Instead of me
I know
My thoughts are selfish
Only because He can see
Where I lack vision
If I may
Make one request
This man You are molding
A creature of Your own choosing
Grant him strength
For the beyond
Guilt-free strength
In times of shameful blame

*Asterisk word(s) are found on the glossary page.

You will never understand
This life lived is not for you
Answers
Definitions
Explanations
A yearning desire
Unreceived
Deeper the conversation travels
I speak with what I know
An open heart
An open mind
And a love
Even I fully cannot comprehend
I hear you talking
But all I feel is
Hostility and anger
You do not know
No one will
Because my Love is
Every day new

My trust
Fully and gently placed in
The palm of your hand
Hung on a string
Snipped and shattered
Like the tattooed porcelain doll
you saw me as
A broken figurine
Doesn’t mean hopelessness
Beauty still evoking strength
Drawing closer
To a perfect Whole
My True Love
Holding open His heart
For me to fall into
A lifelong mystery
I never want to figure out

A distraction is grand
Only if the distraction itself
Is successful in distracting
Otherwise
The distraction becomes a constant
Reminder of what is lost
Invoking the opposite
Reaction required
Transforming the distractor into
An annoying bore
Whose engagement lacks
Verbal fervor
Way more interested in you
Than you are of it
What to do with this
Distracting buzz
While the failure of its’
Distracting becomes clearer
And the hurt from the loss lessened
Desire grips
Fighting against the distraction
A decision must be decided
All the easy ones are taken

Whirling thoughts
Extend into endless outlets
One after the other
More complex than the last
Only to notice hours later
A piercing pain above
My right eye
Forcing sleep
To stop the madness
Inside my head
A blessing I cannot
Seem to reach
Instead
I sit
Slouching on my bed
Wishing these thoughts
Into words
How to vocalize the feelings
Haunting my mind
You know I wait on You
Disguising this wouldn’t
Fool a rock
And at the same time
I know You wait on me
But for what?
Teach me Your next move

Dreams
A reality unlived
Making them no less real
Last night
You crossed over closed eyes
And I understood

Dwelling on My image
I gaze upon You
Astounded in this gift
Unselfishly given
In amazement
All will see
(Time willing)
Barely understanding
Speechless for reason
Imbedded in visual capsation*
Yearning in a new degree
Incease* My soul

*Asterisk word(s) are found on the glossary page.