Breathe In Red

That embrace shuddered my being
Streamed tears down my face
My mind completely lost
Scattered thoughts
I fell victim
To those strong arms
And those sweet tender kisses
I became the prisoner
Knowing I should escape
But yearning to dive deeper inside
Something is amiss
When two bodies
Fit too perfectly together
Is it a trick?
The Love Magician at play
How clever you think you are
Manipulating my feelings
Over actual reality
I won’t lie
I fell
I believed
That temporary, transient moment
Felt so damn good
The thing is
Once the moment is gone
The mind falls back into line
And that feeling stays just a feeling
Because an embrace or a kiss
Is fleeting
While the mind is a never ending abyss
Constantly absorbing
Changing
Growing
You may have fooled me once
Mr. Magician
But I will checkmate you
All I need is one severing move

Comatose
Veins purged
Drudgery emanating from the last euphoric blast
I see you
Beginning to fade
Pain no longer mummified for convenience
This will not save you
Your constant yearning for hallucinations
The Dark Queen
Shrouded in her White façade
Continually beckoning through a silent whistle
Fashioned deviantly to provoke
Your intrinsic agony
So subtle
Her penetration chisels
Moment melding moment
Resulting in a mind malfunction
Eroded over decades
Dreamworld transforms into a deceived reality
Only obtaining subdued relief
In your convoluted past
A mass of uncertainty and frustration
Overwhelms the simplest of tasks
Eyes refusing to look anywhere but down
Gaze your brown
Deep into My blue
Allow your Last Resort
To tow the burden for a few
Enticing and hesitant
Vulnerably you approach uncharted territories
I present an opportunity of promise
An intoxication unlike previous trips
Engaging a path of no return
Trust
Discover
A reviving morphinic sanity
Laced with genuine peace
Draw near
I will elevate you
The Dark Queen will cower in defeated horror
Her deadly whistle will fail to sound
Because
You are not a beast

I don’t know what is worse
You speaking to me with emptiness
Or you not speaking to me at all
Both are equally as painful
You live
In an untouchable place in my heart
A place I can’t even reach
Not to heal it
Not to remove it
Not even to sedate it
I at least wish to tame it
It burns into all aspects of my life
Like my schizophrenic buddy
My shadow
I’m trying
Ignoring
Disengaging
With everyday new pain emerges
And I find myself
Hating and loving you more
Angry all the time
At you
At myself
I fell too hard
Too fast
How do I cope?
When I’m grasping each breath
Barely warding off suffocation

Writing to you
The intentional email trade
Trying to correlate the morning and night shifts
The written word in dialogue
With the constant surprise
Of what I might type you next
Or the anticipation building
As I wait for a response
You don’t know this
(or perhaps you might)
But I’m learning patience from you
You allow freedom minus social pressure
Territories uncharted
My own mind exploring
In the midst of absorbing yours
My goal is to bust it open
Carefully
So carefully
You hardly notice me chipping away
I want to hold your mind softly
In the palm of my hands
And just stare at it
Appreciate it
For hours
For days
Stare so long that it makes the both of us
Uncomfortable
I want to watch the blood
Rush to every corner
When you process a new thought
I want to know what happens
When two ideas collide
I want to see where the pain lives
The pain
Hidden delicately in your mind
Safely surrounded by years of savored memories
What keeps you thinking
When your mouth is quiet
When you rub your temples
That spot directly above your shaded glasses
How does it affect the way you see
Or sleep
I’m staring while listening
Waiting
All I want is inside
Not to change your mind
No need
Not a thing do I want to change
Just let me borrow it for a little while
I have discovered an itch in me
A sapiosexual feeling
An interruption in my cosmos
So I ask
Don’t substitute one thought
Story or emotion
Let me sink my teeth into your core
Slowly
Methodically
And find…
That’s just it
What am I looking for?
What will cure this desurn*?

*Asterisk word(s) are found on the glossary page.

What is your tale of woe?
The pains
The hurts
Those ones keeping you up at night
Those ones that shaped you for today
Tell me
About your mom or dad
Or if not them
Tell me
About the friends and the lovers
I have the time
Cut the niceties
And the small talk
I’m only interested in the raw truth
I mean
Raw
The drunken nights filled with anger or tears
The moments when life became an option
Not a privilege
And if not the bottle
What about pills?
Or sex
What are your fears and nightmares?
Do you suffer from anxiety?
Depression?
Tell me
About the secrets written in hiding
Events and details of your personhood
I’m here to listen
So vent
And relent
No sentence is pending on your words
Free your mind of its weight
Free your body of its deprecations
Lose yourself in the tale

Lay on your back
My gaze desires your art
From peace taken
To the heart given
And all in between
Addiction draws Me in
Love allows Me to stay
A capsation* taking over Our intimate kiss
Every breath
Becoming a depth of warmth
Cocooned in divine appreciation
Vulnerability expanding
In affection’s wake
Soft
Naked
Brand new
We travel this path
Meyume*

*Asterisk word(s) are found on the glossary page.

Our picnic love talks
Forcing the chill anywhere else
But where We are
Sharing an equal possession
Of the other
Never have I felt
More clean
More wanted
Or more beautiful
Than when You interrupt
My sleep with Your presence
I welcome You
Always

Superfluous
A smotherer of sorts
Maybe the lifestyle
Turns people away
Bald one year
Tattooed the next
A wanderer to the outsiders
An overzealous aesthetic
Trying too hard
Seen as haphazard
And eccentric
When truthfully
The Art exudes the form

Malingerer
Faking an illness
To avoid the work
Can a malingerer exist in love?
Can the laughs, hugs
And caresses
All be a form of a malingerer’s act
Of convention or consternation?
Is love truly blind?
Or
Is the ugly truth of Love’s affection
So difficult to bear?
Why settle like everyone else?
Why giggle, dance
And smile
To appease onlookers of absent passion?
For once
Stop the ingrained teachings
Of a malingering childhood
Notice a sincere love waits

On the brink
Past the mush and gush
This all seems more real
My eyes almost letting loose
For your sake
I have taught myself
How to reign in
What makes you squirm